honey trap

"did you exchange a walk-on part in a war for a lead role in cage...
how i wish you were here
we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year"

i have had about 4 hours of sleep today. 2 hours left to go of work. my brain feels dried out and desiccated.

work is almost over!!
my brain is asleep.

ok work has begun...actually halfway through. i feel quite like a zombie...
i just wrote a mammoth email to my boyfriend. things with him are really getting to me at the moment. i don't know if i should really be in a relationship at all, let alone one that seems as unhealthy as this one.

i miss my ex..he's still my best friend and since we've talked to each other quite a few times in the past week i've started to remember things that happened between us and how close we were/are. i've gotten over the stage of feeling depressed cos it's ended and bitter, and i can now reflect on the past with good feelings.

i feel pretty lonely right now and my relationship is making me feel more so funnily enough. i'm not enjoying my time with him...

i'm enjoying myself more on my own, but i'm still lonely. hm.

beijo

here we are, the first entry in my livejournal. i am working on an essay on Derrida for my MA in 20th century literature. it is 7:45 am, i woke up at 5:30am. i have to go to work at 10:30 pm tonight. i also have to write a presentation today for 2pm. time and scheduling is pretty frustrating. i'm surviving on equal amounts of coffee and sleep, and the occasional lollipop. i'm confused about a lot of things in my life right now but mainly i'm hoping i can stop caring about the daily flux of these things and focus on getting what i want to get done, done. hence distracting myself from my essay right now isn't great. but then i have made some progress with it, and it's pretty abstract stuff. i also need to exorcise some of the chatter in my head. i'm going to make the day pleasurable by using my new perfume, massaging myself with cocoa butter and delivering a confident and well-informed presentation to my class. yess. affirmation.

i am not my job, or my university degree.